Bittersweet events, memories, and vacations.

Today is the anniversary of my Dad's death, tomorrow is the anniversary of my Grandma's death, and the day after that is the anniversary of my Grandpa's death as well as my niece's 2nd birthday. What a bittersweet week, emotions are high for me. This is all going to be a little scattered and a tad more like a journal entry so bear with me...

Six yrs. ago today my Dad died. It's always a little painful on the 'anniversaries' of these milestones but this yr. is a little harder. We just went on a family vacation with Nic's parents to the Oregon/California coast. It was so much fun but at the same time the reason this yr's harder for me. You see this particular coast was a part of my Dad. He lived in Arcada, CA when he was just a little boy. When he was 6 his own Dad drowned in the Trinidad Bay just north of Arcada. They didn't find his body for a few months and when they found it he was buried on my Dad's 7th birthday in Eureka, CA. That last piece of information I found out just this month. My Dad never talked about his Dad being buried on his birthday to anyone not even my Mom. I weep inside for the little seven yr old boy who watched his father get lowered into the ground when he should have been blowing out candles. I'm not sure why they buried him that day but it has been confirmed by several sources.

Growing up we visited the Oregon coast a few times on vacation. We lived in central Oregon for a while so the drive wasn't that bad. Those were my first memories of a vacation other than visiting family. I loved combing the beach looking for shells, the wind whipping my hair, and the cold water hitting my feet. My Dad LOVED the ocean. He loved the smell of the ocean. He loved lighthouses and what they represent. In later years my parents decorated their home in lighthouses and ocean views. And when we took my Dad off of life support 6 yrs ago today it was ocean waves that filled the hospital room to accompany him home. It was a part of his soul.

Our last family vacation was to the Oregon coast. My Dad rented out a couple of houses on the beach for a week. A lot of my siblings came but a few couldn't make it. We had the time of our lives. I so wish all of my siblings could have been there. We went crabbing, played on our private beach, flew kites, played the most intense game of family feud, and on one of our last nights had a bonfire testimony meeting on the beach. The spirit that was there was untouchable. It was almost as if on some level we knew it would be the last one. My Dad planned to go back the next year and he was determined to have everyone there. He made up invitations and was thinking about how he could help everyone make it. He died about a month shy of that next trip.

I haven't been back there since he died.

Until Now. Nic never met my Dad. I want him to know him more than anything so it was really important to me that I share that place with him. I've been hoping to go since we first got married. We finally went and to share that with him was very bonding. It wasn't all tears, we had so much fun with my in-laws. I very much appreciate my in-laws patience with my agenda. They were so kind and supportive of these side trips to these special places. But that is why this anniversary is so much harder. As we were driving along the ocean my Dad came to life. I could see him everywhere. My memories both haunted and comforted me. The ocean is now part of my soul. My siblings, you know my pain. The bond we share because of this day is both tragic and pure. My children, you bring me joy I never thought I'd feel again. I believe you knew your Grandpa Ewell and that he sent you down to me with love. And most importantly I want to take a moment to thank Nic. Nic has healed my heart in so many ways. Teaching me that life goes on and love for another person can begin past the grave. I appreciate your respect and admiration for a person you've never met. I know it isn't always easy when I become the broken hearted girl who lost her Dad or to live up to his memory. You are amazing!

I love you Dad! I feel like I picked you out from heaven to be my Dad. You are incredible. Thank you for marrying Mom and having me. I am who I am because of the two of you.